Inside I'm screaming
by misseeweasley
Summary: <html><head></head>And so what, if she never sleeps because of the ache of loneliness, or if she ends up spending most nights in muggle bars drinking away thoughts of him? The point is, she's independent, and she's accepting that she's lost.</html>


_God, this one took _ages. _I changed the ending, the tense, the characters, everything like a million times. But, I'm happy with it. _

_This'll be my last story for the next few months, 'cause I've got GCSE's to focus on. (Yay me!) But I promise you, my lovely readers, I shall write more when I finish school. God knows I'll have enough time to!_

_Anyway, here it is. _

**I'm wearing this smile that I don't believe in, inside I feel like screaming.**

The potter house was crowded. Wizarding families from all over Britain were gathered to celebrate the youngest Potter's graduation.  
>"I can't believe Lily's done with Hogwarts. Do you know how old that makes me feel?" A salt and pepper haired Harry Potter asked his wife. "Very old, Gin."<br>Ginny, Hermione and Ron laughed.  
>"Don't we all, mate." Ron said, agreeing with his best friend.<br>"I'm going to go speak to some people my age now." Said a voice from beside Harry.  
>Harry turned to the blue haired man beside him, laughing.<br>"We boring you, Ted?"  
>"Of course not. Maybe you should lay of the Firewhiskey though." Teddy Lupin replied, taking in the four adults rosy cheeks. He walked towards the living room, taking in the scene. Lily Potter, done with Hogwarts. He knew that she'd go on to do something wonderful with her life, and that made him proud. He was pulled from his thoughts by a melodic voice coming from the dance floor.<br>"Teddy, come on love, dance!"  
>"Vic, you know I don't dance." he replied, all thoughts of lily discarded from his mind at the sight of his beautiful girlfriend.<p>

Lily smiled at another family friend, taking compliments and laughing at the right times. Lily has never been one for parties, but even she usually enjoyed a potter-Weasley gathering. Today, she just wanted to curl up on the floor and cry. She hadn't expected Teddy to actually come, after months of not seeing each other. He was wrapped up in his new girlfriend, and his job (He had finally finished his teacher training and got a job at a Muggle secondary school, teaching art) and his whole new life. He hardly has time for Lily these days. That wouldn't matter to Lily, if it was anyone but Teddy. Lily looked up at the object of her musings, seeing him dancing wildly with Victoire on the dance floor. Lily smiled sadly and imagined herself in Victoire's position. Lily has been in love with Teddy for over eight years now, and she has had more than enough.

* * *

><p>She decided to move on. She's seventeen years old, and she needs to grow up. So, Lily buys herself a little cottage in Ireland, far away from Teddy Lupin and his perfect life. The cottage is perfect for her. The landing carpet is like walking on clouds, so every now and then, when she's bored, she takes off her shoes and closes her eyes, and pretends she's in the sky. All around her house grow roses and ivy and she can't help but think it's a little bit like that muggle fairy tale her Aunt Hermione once told her, Snow White. But she loves it, and it's all hers.<br>And so what, if she never sleeps because of the ache of loneliness, or if she ends up spending most nights in muggle bars drinking away thoughts of him? The point is, she's independent, and she's accepting that she's lost.  
>Lily spends over a year considering what to do with her life, living off her parent's money and taking photographs of everything with her old, muggle camera. Then one cold, rainy Sunday, when she's absently spilling her thoughts into her notebook, a realization hits her. She wants to write. She wants to write stories, she wants to inspire people, she wants to tell people things that they want to hear. So she does exactly that, and being Lily Potter (who ALMOST always gets what she wants), she's fantastic at it. She hits all the bestseller lists with her published works, 'Torn' and 'Moments' and she's happy, she really is.<br>And then, the most wonderful thing happens, on the two anniversary of her arrival in the country. She meets Seamus, the guitar playing muggle from the coast. They meet in a busy pub on the coast, and with the sounds of Irish folk music and the taste of strong cider, Lily feels something she hasn't felt in a long time.  
>They fall in love fast, and it's almost like they hadn't really been alive until now. Seamus moves in with lily (she couldn't possibly give up the cottage), and two weeks later is when it happens, the visit from the family.<br>Lily had of course kept in touch with her parents and brothers, and her cousin Roxanne too, but she hadn't spoken to the rest of the family for years. But they were all coming to stay, all Weasley - Potters, and here's the bombshell, Teddy, Victoire and their baby girl, December, too.  
>'Lil, it'll be fine, love. They're your family.' Seamus had told her. He knew nothing about Lily's old feelings for Teddy Lupin and she didn't intend to tell him quite yet. It had taken her three years, a lot of alcohol, and a move to a different country to finally begin to move on, and she was hoping that seeing the older man wouldn't throw all of that out of the window. Being in love with Teddy had taken up almost her whole life, and she was afraid she would become chained to that again. She told Seamus she was nervous about seeing the family after so long, and how they would feel about the limited contact and her new life, rather than being honest.<br>'I know, Shay. Just being silly, I guess.' Lily sighed, resting her feet on his lap as they sprawled out on their soft, scruffy sofa.  
>'I'm kind of nervous, too.' Seamus said quietly.<br>'You're never nervous! They'll love you. I swear to it. Everything's going to go perfect.' She said, trying to convince herself as much as him.

* * *

><p>'Yes, Victoire, I know she needs feeding, I'm not stupid!' A stressed Teddy Lupin shouted, winding down his window.<br>'Then stop the car!' Said Victoire, holding a small blonde baby close to her.  
>'We are almost there; you can feed her at Lily's. You're the one who didn't want to apparate. That would have been a lot faster.' He replied as he turned a corner.<br>'I am not going to apparate my five month old child across the planet.'  
>'We're in Ireland, Vic, not Australia.'<br>'Shut up, Teddy. You don't always have to pick up on my mistakes.'  
>'We're here.' Teddy said, after a short silence.<p>

'Okay, you got that? You can not, under any circumstances, use magic while Seamus is in the house. He's got no idea, thinks I'm a muggle. Please stick to that.' The family had arrived while Seamus was stocking up on food, and Lily had to give them the rules.  
>She was finding it hard to avoid teddy's searching gaze. She knew they were going to have to speak soon, but she would much rather have the safety of having Seamus by her side than go it alone.<br>As Lily thought this, she heard a key in the door. 'He always comes at the right time.' she thought to herself. She went to greet him before she brought him to meet her family.  
>'Everyone, this is Seamus. Seamus, this is everyone.' she said, nervously.<p>

* * *

><p>The family loved Seamus. He made Al and Scor laugh, got along well with her parents, talked sports with James, and did 'magic tricks' for baby December. Lily was proud of him, and thanked the fates that she found him.<br>'We really need to talk, Lily.' Teddy said, entering the room.  
>'We do?'<br>'There's something I need to tell you.'  
>'Would Victoire like coffee or tea, do you know?'<br>'Lily, please.'  
>'You have the time it takes me to pour this tea, go.'<br>'I love you.'  
>Lily dropped the mug she was holding on to the floor. 'Oh.'<br>'Oh?'  
>'That's what I said.' Lily replied, trying to regain her composure.<br>'What do you mean? Are you okay?' Teddy asked tentatively.  
>'I'm fine. I just need to clear up this mess.' lily said as her eyes started to water.<br>'Are you crying? What's wrong?' Teddy asked, picking up the broken mug.  
>'You act like its okay for you to come in here and ruin my peaceful life, just by saying those three little words.' Lily said after a pause, her voice breaking.<br>'What?' Teddy said.  
>'You're a few years too late!'<br>'You loved me?'  
>'And it hurt, Ted. Hurt like hell. But I'm with Seamus now, and he is everything to me. I love him.'<br>Teddy mumbled something.  
>'What?' Lily said, crossing her arms.<br>'You don't love him enough to tell him you're a witch.'  
>'Lily?' A voice said from the doorway. 'What did he just say?'<p>

'Seamus.' Lily whispered eyes wide.  
>'You're a witch? Like an evil witch?'<br>'No,' Lily laughed despite the tense atmosphere. 'I have - well, I guess you'd say I have magical powers.'  
>The silence that followed this comment was giant and awkward.<br>'I'm going to leave the two of you alone, I'll see you.' Teddy finally spoke, shuffling out the room, leaving Lily and Seamus alone.  
>'So, you're magical then?' Seamus said softly, lifting his eyes to look into her forest green ones.<br>'Yeah, I am. Seamus, I'm so -'  
>'Listen, Lil. We've all got secrets.' Seamus interrupted her.<br>'Yeah, I know. Wait, we do?'  
>'Lily, I know who you are. I knew who you were the first day we met.' Seamus said, sitting down at the kitchen table.<br>'How?' Lily said, leaning against the side.  
>'I'm a muggle-born wizard.'<br>'What?'  
>'Yeah. My dad's job got relocated to France when I got my letter from Hogwarts, so I sort of transferred before actually starting. Went to Beauxbatons.' He said.<br>'Why didn't you tell me?' Lily asked.  
>'I wanted you to tell me first.' He said quietly.<br>'Seamus, I'm so sorry I didn't tell you. It would have been so hard to explain. I can't believe we've been hiding this from each other all this time.'  
>'I'm glad we don't have to hide it anymore.' Seamus replied, 'And its okay, I understand.'<br>Lily moved to sit on Seamus' lap, kissing him softly on the lips. 'Shay?'  
>'Yes, Lil?' He murmured against her lips.<br>'I love you, and I'm so glad I met you.'  
>'I love you, too. And I'm so glad you're mine.'<br>Lily smiled, before standing up. 'Well, we've got some explaining to do! My family are going to love this.'

* * *

><p>'So, you've both been hiding the same secret all this time?' Albus asked, hands entwined with Scorpius'. 'That's classic! Trust you, Lil.'<br>The family laughed. Lily looked at Teddy, not knowing what to expect. He looked close to tears. She went over to him, and put her hand on his shoulder. Words didn't need to be said, Teddy understood. Seamus wasn't going anywhere anytime soon. Teddy stood up and smiled sadly at her.  
>'I guess I'm too late, hey, Lilypad?'<br>'I'll always love you, Ted.' Lily said, smiling at the use of the old nickname.  
>'Just not enough, anymore.' Teddy whispered, voice cracking with pent up emotion.<br>Lily shook her head. 'Not anymore.'

* * *

><p>Lily was lying on the sofa, cup of tea and book in hand. She hadn't read much of the book, too deep in thought. The house was empty, the family having left a few hours ago, and Lily was taking some quiet time to herself while Seamus was at work. It's funny, how after all that hurt and angst and pain over Teddy, when he'd finally wanted her back, she chose Seamus over him. Thoughts of Seamus filled her mind. Finally, Lily was happy. She finally had everything she'd ever wanted, and she was thankful Teddy for that. For finally showing her she needed to grow up.<p>

* * *

><p><em>Well? Please don't be too harsh on me. Reviews will be awarded with ice cream. :3 <em>

_I'm kidding. but please, do review. :)_

_I'm sorry if the tense was a bit all over the place, as I said, it was written over a few days. _

_Love you all (:_

_P.S. the two stories Lily writes, 'Torn' and 'Moments' are stories I've started to write myself. They're totally unrelated to any other stories, and I've made them all up myself. :) if anyone would like to see an extract from either of them, just email me at _gowgus_ . _Yeah, i know its weird. I was like, ten when I made it._

_P.P.S. Wish me luch in my French Oral Assessment tomorrow, I'm so scared!_


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